First-Time Mom Problem #0128: Stressing About Everything

So yesterday I had a moment.

My son had a follow-up to his 12-month appointment to check his weight.

Since his six-month check-up, the pediatrician has mentioned that he was weighing in a bit small but that there was no cause for concern. He asked me if he was on formula and I told him that he was being breastfed. He then asked if I noticed any decrease in my milk production.

No! TF?

I felt triggered.

I knew for a fact that I was producing enough milk because my son always finished a feeding milk-wasted.   

In my experience, medical professionals sometimes have a way of saying things so cut-and-dried that they don’t realize how it might affect someone, especially a new mom.

At his nine-month appointment, his weight was the topic of discussion again. The pediatrician urged that I make sure he was eating three meals a day—which he was—and to make sure they were nutritious; they were.

I guess his weight raised a red flag at his 12-month appointment because the team of doctors came in and weighed him again as if something was going to change from five minutes ago. At this point I was upset. Not only is my son eating three meals a day, but he’s also still nursing to the point where I have crumbs in my bra because he’s just that greedy.

I was always on the leaner side as a kid and so was his dad. Why couldn’t the doctor just accept that it’s either genetics or the kid is burning calories chasing his puppy brother around all day?

All of this talk about him not being the ideal weight (even though he’s weighing in only four pounds less than “normal”) really got me worked up.

I felt as if I was doing something wrong because he wasn’t out her keeling over from being stuffed or pumped with milk. Sure I see chunky babies all the time but I don’t think anything of it because everyone is different.

But it does bother me when people are shocked that he’s walking around because he’s just a “little peanut” or “so tiny to be moving like that!”

Where are all the “that baby’s going to be huge” people now?

As a First-Time Mom, I Take the Little Things Way Too Personally

They say once you have another kid, you don’t get nearly as worked up over things as you did the first time around. And I’m sure that’s true. But right now I guess I just take things so personally, especially when it comes to my son’s nutrition.

I exclusively nursed him in the beginning. When it was time for solids, I steamed fresh fruits and veggies and pureed them myself. And now I cook him separate meals and I make sure they’re well-balanced. To take so much time and care into doing something only for the doctor to tell you that it’s still not enough, absolutely sucks.

I love the relationship I have with my boyfriend because when I had my moment, I told him that I needed a hug and I cried on his shoulder. Our son must’ve picked up on my sadness because he immediately began doing silly things to make me laugh. He even gave me a sweet kiss on my cheek and put his hand on my shoulder. My boyfriend reassured me that our son is healthy and he’s doing just fine. I really needed to hear that. 

I’m sure all of the pro moms are reading this laughing and saying “Girl, chill. There are worse things to worry about.” And I’m sure they’re right but sometimes those little things can get the best of you. If you’re a first-time mom like me, maybe you haven’t yet experienced those “worse things” and I pray you never have to. But when those little moments creep in and you get all worked up, remember all the great things that your baby is doing; don’t focus on the one thing that he isn’t doing, it will come with time.